MSU football player’s lawyer: My girlfriend was assaulted by a cup of hor in 1995

In general, this is not how a young athlete caught up in a high-profile fight should choose a lawyer to hire:

Tweet from David Diamond:"I will rep all of these MSU athletes for free.  MSU degree and prominent criminal lawyer."swear "I will gladly fly out to East Lansing and represent all of these athletes!"
Shield via @a_j_ruszk (Diamond tweets are now protected)

And yet one of the Michigan State football players who participated in the tunnel bust after Michigan’s home win over MSU apparently did just that. This afternoon, David Diamond, an MSU-grad attorney in California who claims to represent the suspended Spartans, released a public statement from the start.

The statement, riddled with grammatical and spelling errors, claims without evidence that a Michigan player started the violence that turned into a vicious Spartan punch that was caught on video. But far more entertaining than the opening is its spectacular outburst of weird word choice and steam-out-of-the-ears touches. Although Diamond is licensed to practice law in the state of California, he maintains the heart of a true college football poster. This official message is as if he dictated it via text-to-speech software after waking up from major surgery. It’s like a poem made entirely from overheard conversations in the men’s room at Harper’s. Here are some of the most hurtful highlights:

  • Referring to UM coach Jim Harbaugh: “The media has taken the bait of the coach and champion victim and his whining to the moon.”
  • “The repeated ‘bless the victims’ chant and dance does not contribute to fact-finding”
  • On former Michigan linebacker Devin Bush stomping on MSU’s quarterback logo in 2018: “Where were the screams from Ann Arbor to sue… Devon Bush (sic) for vandalism. The silence was a heartbeat. The hypocrisy is painful.”
  • “Why were UM players allowed into the tunnel and instead of criticizing the MSU staff for not cooperating with the 6-foot-6 giant, we have to ask ourselves about Michigan’s safety in the tunnel.”
  • The final point he ends with is a long-held grudge from 27 years ago: “I personally know about claims of moral superiority as a student at MSU in 1995 when my then-girlfriend had a big cup of fornication and saliva thrown at her. by a UM basketball player. Despite phone calls and letters, UM did absolutely nothing.”

The funny thing is, I actually agree with the core of Diamond’s point – that this is not a problem that needs to be solved by putting more young men in the criminal justice system. But he’s not going to do anyone any favors when he shows up to the courthouse shirtless and covered in green and white body paint. You know MSU still hasn’t caught up to a real football school, because if this happened at Georgia or Ohio State, at least they’d have someone on duty for these players who knows how to use the word “heartbreak.” By and large, though, I’m a little concerned that this guy is acting as someone’s attorney, and as such, I have a suggestion: If you’ve ever written on a college football message board in your life, you should be banned from taking the bar.

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